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After more than 6 month no other income ( OT, Im a hard working chick , I usually chase for 50 hrs OT per month ) , i m officially broke, like looking my saving, i only remain arround $1000 HKD per month to use.
So i m thinking looking for a part time job, like being a waiter in bar, get another call handling job but mid night one, but mostly the later one cannot wat ,coz i m sure i will b very tired if i need to use my brain against all these bitches out there.
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Starting to think about the LOVE lately, Since Jason is having a Bf, i think its time for me to open a new chapter, i cant be with him all the time, coz he need to spend time with his love. And everyone is attached , Like BB, Randy , Gerald
Just tonight , My ex suddenly ask me a question : why i stop dating new one? I was like WOW.. And wake up.
So my answer is: i m poor and i have no mood to think of love thing on this moment ~
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Yes , you can say i still love and care about him.. but .. on the otherside , i hate him as his ego and his selfish is never change.
He left me with all that stupid reason and these bullshit... like i have 3 point to leave you.. 1) My health 2) My work bah bah bah , my god !!!!
Why dont he just say .. I dont love you , and i feel sorry for detach with you but i have no choice.
That question is just hurtful and insane. He can pretend there is nothing happen after 1 year.. but i cant , what ive been through is like UNFORGETABLE, That 2.5 month was lived in faith...
Sigh... That mins.. i m taking a bullets.. it kill me.. and my little hope of love....
Love really not a Game... And if it is .. playing it in a expert mode.
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Don't even know u all know Chinese or not.
This is my testimony for 4/12/2009.. a big day of my life.
Wow... & the invitation card...
我是陳國柱, Calvin Chan, 花名:死肥仔。 係我讀小學的時候, 我在基督教小學成長, 當時覺得耶誕是好人, 但沒有認真去看待祂我亦有去過福音營, 但都是玩下, 食下, 拎左個十字架記念品。
中學時讀天主教學校, 覺得聖母是好女人, 耶誕是好男人, 沒有來想過祂是自己生命中的主, 只信祂是真有其人, 是歷史的一部份, 沒有深究。
之後我由媽媽之下, 成為/阿YEN 的補習學生, 補補下習, 佢就幫我傳褔音介紹我返教會, 咁就開始對自己的信仰開始有認識了解, 最後係2000年6月17日經三褔的PATRICK 及黃牧師決志信主。
中五畢業讀左針一個FASHION DESIGN , 就當上左電訊公司的SALES, 生命中只有金錢及享樂, 而因為工作時間唔穩定,教會時返時唔返, 生命中的主是自己, 自己想點就點。
沒有靈修 讀聖經, 祈禱, 床邊放滿一疊疊由弟兄姊妹所送的聖經, 靈修書, 但舖滿厚塵!
唔再做SALES, 經楊戚美姿姊妹介紹下, 轉左係FedEx工作, 工作時間穩定左, 而我就可以開始返2s 小組, 而經我親愛的組員不斷督促及鼓勵之下, 我就放棄左星期六夜蒲的生活, 因為我要在安息日早上去讚美我愛的神。
係上年尾, 我的感情生活有變, 我沒有宗教信仰的伴侶無緣無故咁離開消失左兩個月, 咁岩係我係街上撞返佢的當天....
記得當天是, 星期日 我當投影機員, 那篇講道, 是關於生命中擺位的問題, 我發現自己往往將愛情感情放在生命中#1 忽略了神...將祂放在次選, 我即時誠心禱告, 慚愧自己是一個罪人...
之後左在街上再遇上佢......
後來再相處 發現大家的價值觀已經不同, 最終還是分開了, 做回朋友。
遇到困難時我喜愛祈禱, 依靠神, 更喜愛與自己相愛的人去尋求神, 經歷祂的大能, 因為只有主可以無時無刻無空間限制去聆聽的的說話。
我愛我天上的父, 祂使我明白我的缺欠而又支持我走過我人生的每段路 感謝神!
最後我要將所有榮耀都歸於我主我父, 祂才是我唯一的主宰, The One。
Other friend help me do one as well.. but of coz ... i like the 1st one more... Gerald's one...
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Thursday, July 17th, 2008
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Like i mention b4.. love is developing... consume all my free time... i hardly at home ... hardly hanging out with my friend... Sorry le.
As all you though, my time should be so sweet sweet... yes .. its is...
But ...The old problem is still there... I cannot trust people.
May be i dont trust on L to O to da V & E.
The Side effect is still there... still haunting me ... after so long....
like... Anson... he is so caring.. sometime he will cancel our date... COZ he is tired & i m tired as well.. but i will think he will go somewhere else.
Ah... what should i do? Pls help me.
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What do u guyz think my new look. some say is nice... " he " like it.. hahah... Moon said its suck... ( actually shie is the only one said its suck )
basically ... u know how much this glasses cost? its only HKD $90 !!!!! i should say its eyewear~ i wear contact lens... then wear this...
i have been China with all my church-mate. Like my red cloths.. Its topshop last season collection!!!!!!
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5 days straight in Phuket, There r so many thing happeing,
1) Coffee Accident in the very small plane. DAVID AND MY Fav tight Jeans, shoot by a hot coffee,
2) The breadfast in the plane is fucking DELICIOUS. ( Trust me ?! think it yourself , u r taking OX)
3) I can do my #1 pose in everywhere Area.
4) Hot guy in every st. corner, especially in Phangton. Tran ppls like to show off their pseudo body.
5) My Ressort is sucks.. compare with what i dream for.
6) Queen CAN have breadfast, Amazing right. 6 o'clock is not a problem, but still the last to wake up.
7) Text is come and out in every mins when i m free. especially in shuttle bus. in the beach. in my bed.
8) Eventually i know i like the view of Ocean. But i dont like the taste of Ocean water, so diving is not my cup of tea.
9) Tan skin look really good on me.
10) SPA is for ppls who really not ashamed to show off their body.
11) Things r more expensive than HK. ( WTF, Thai ppls shd b very rich now. pigeon EYE for me )
12) BYE BYE is the ANTHEM of our trip. "You never got a chance to see how good I've done , And you never got to See me back at number one"
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He told me " You know i miss you this few days... still have 3 days left , that we can see each other and msn. ah! This is the first time that i recieved this kind of text.... kiss in the text....
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This is my love story...
So,,,When Calvin meets A.,,
There is something really good. Two peoples both likes to Smile.
Just few hours later, I m flying to Phuket. This is the really first time that I wanna let this trip over faster, i really want to hanging out with someone special in Hong Kong coz there is someone i can really really connect to.
I really hope i still can concentrate on my fd now... i mean ... all the friend i have been love them like i used to... but now ... all my mind is A.
So... situation is O,O.C. Now...
Hhaha.. Highly recommend you guyz to watch "teeth" .. Me and him laugh like a hell...
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For the end but not the least. I want to thanks god that he really let the right one meet me. all the blessing he shine on me . And more important, he let me know that i m nothing without his love.
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P.S. Can i get myself a tattoos in Phuket? ... Mrs A . S. in my low back?
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Thursday, November 10th, 2005
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1) Buh..buh ..buh ( For me... use for express thing that cant b tell in words very much... coz i cannot describe very well ...buh buh uuuh)
2) Enjoy urself/ur life ( its a heck... hahaha... not a good word.... using it for ppls or things that i hate of ... tired of... )
3) Fabulous ( Learn from SEX n the City-Samantha Jones...hahah... u r Fabulous... look at those fabulous hot guy, cloth~ )
4) F.U. ( short form of FUCK U ! )
5) Thing of that nature / sorts ( For express "thing of that" )
6) On really? ( for confirm what i heard n see ... using i will open up my eye n mouth when i say so )
7) Oh dearrrrr ( Its a dilemmma word... usually use this phase when i feeling the situation is unspeakable)
8) Oh my friend ( Usually use it to express what i dont agree w/ )
9) you guyz rock ( Appreicate n enjoy what u did )
10) So ???? ( So good, so nice, so fabulous, so touching, so hard, so painful, so hurtful)
11)Watever ( equal to whatever, i would like to have a copyright on it...coz all ppls copy my words... )
12)... ( nothing to say)
I usually use short form of ppls name... for example, Tammy... i change it to MiMi. Now is the most
popular name in my SUNDAY circle. Gerald-Ger... Joel-jojo...Calvin chan-Cc.
Tell me yours...
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Friday, October 28th, 2005
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Eventually...there is a light at the end of that long long darkest tunnel...
I will be remembered 28th of Oct, 2005.
Love,
Cal~
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Tuesday, October 11th, 2005
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小孩在後園用上全力掘出一個洞。
小孩哭著臉在家中的後園掘著一口洞。
鄰家太太看到隔壁的小孩正在使勁地在地上猛掘。
鄰家太太問道:「為什麼在後園的地上掘泥沙?」 她援援的把頭伸出柅栅。
小孩把頭轉向太太的視線, 她發現小孩哭慟著。
小孩把頭轉向太太的視線, 並答道:「我心愛的小金魚死了,要趕快把它埋葬好!」
鄰居太太鬆鬆頸項, 發出格格的聲響,說起話來:「真對不起, 但這洞子未免太大了嗎?」
孩子臉色一沈看著太太, 答話:「洞子是要把妳家裏的蠢貓一起葬下!」
後話: 這故事是我在電影 a lot like love 中聽到的, 有時我亦想把他放下, 連同那個身不由己的身體一併埋沒在黃土中,那就沒有了永無止息的煩憂。
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有時看見很多好看的東西, 心裏總有一種渴慕, 但過了一陣子, 發覺自己沒有勇氣去想去念去緊握了。
於是慢慢的, 靜靜的讓他在身邊溜走。
常想去選擇另一些, 另一個比那個榮美的,低檔一點的罷了。
終究最愛的那個沒有了, 低層次的那個亦失去了。
後來只剩下寂寞和我低呤那幾首戀曲。
我常常又去想躲避, 去換一個手提號碼, 去過一個人的生活。
租一所有浴缸的房子, 養一頭狗。過自己嚮往的人生。
每天有甚麼不如意的事情, 身體有何等的疲憊, 一切一切都浸泡在浴缸中, 把所有並所有都隨著水溢出體外, 散到水中。
夢醒了, 醉生夢死的日子完結了, 笑臉收起了, 期望成空了, 心碎了, 忘記不起了。
他無論如何都離去了...
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calvin_chu's journal
angry.
My first time for helping him do facial.
